I would like to share a little testimony with you all, about how God has led me and helped me to grow in my Christian faith over the last couple of years. Over these two years I have faced many difficult and challenging changes to my life, which have reminded me again and again to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
In March 2020 my husband and I were blessed with a precious baby girl. But little did we know, not even two weeks later, the whole country would be in lockdown. Those first 3 months of having an infant to care for alone, stuck in the house day after day were extremely difficult. My husband was able to continue going out to work full time during the week which made it all the more isolating for me.
By the time June came I began seeking more support from my family which was a huge relief.
Over the time period of me being pregnant with Keziah and at the birth itself, my sister Martha in particular had been an incredible help and support to me. She was and is a treasured friend as well as a sister. As 2020 became 2021 Martha was trying to plan her wedding to her fiance Nikolaus who lives in Austria. Sadly, travel restrictions were making it impossible to have a wedding in the UK with all our family present, so Martha and Nikolaus decided to have a small wedding in Austria. The plan had always been that they would continue to live in Austria after the wedding.
I found The situation of Martha moving away deeply upsetting and I remember thinking, “how on earth will I actually cope with this change…?” I cried many tears in those following months, purely because I missed her so much. I know that she was also missing me greatly and finding it hard in her own way. It didn’t help that two of my other best friends moved out of the country not long afterwards. I felt like I’d suddenly been dumped in alien circumstances and I just didn’t know how to approach and deal with the challenges that I felt had been “thrown at me” all in one go. I remember praying and begging God to just help me get through each day and carry me through this time in my life, because I felt so disorientated and alone and I was basically at a point where every day felt like a mountain to climb.
Throughout 2021, my parents were going through a huge legal battle with the local council concerning our family business. The matter was taken to court and was very much in the public eye. This was really stressful for our whole family, including myself, as I worked for the family business in question and saw how much stress this situation was causing for my mum and dad. But God kept us through all of this and my parents eventually won the court battle in February of this year.
At Christmastime 2021, Martha and Nikoulaus returned for a 1 month visit. In the run up to this I kept going over and over in my mind, thinking how was I going to manage seeing her again and then saying goodbye for potentially another 6 months!? These thoughts were causing me so much turmoil and I was so emotional when they arrived. I recall praying on multiple occasions for God to sort through these thoughts and the hurt and emotion so I could move forward. I prayed that he would show me the reality of his all sufficient companionship.
Just days before Martha was due to leave, I allowed the thought of her departure to creep into my mind. I’d been suppressing it with all my might, pretending it wasn’t going to happen, almost in a childlike way! But when I pondered on that thought, I felt different to before. I felt such a comforting peace that, truly only God can give. It was like a blanket of reassurance and deep joy. An acceptance that this was the path that God had planned for both our lives and he was going to hold our hands in his mighty ones and deliver us through the challenges.
These experiences truly showed me that God is our ultimate companion and however much those around us can of course enrich and bless our lives and help us grown in our faith, our Father God is the only one who will never let us down or leave our side. He is the only one who can fill that void of emptiness because we were created by him and for him, to walk closely with him.
After reading this you may be left thinking that my Christian life was all sunshine and rainbows again. But sadly, the Christian is not free from the pitfalls of sin and there are many traps we fall into every day, often without even realising it.
In the first few months of 2022 I felt a nagging feeling of disconnect from God, especially when I tried to pray. I couldn’t understand it and eventually it began to unsettle me.
Over this time I’d gone through a change of jobs, because my dad had decided to close down our family business of 31 years. Even more change to digest and cope with…
One day I found myself reading an article from the Team Jesus Magazine written by Jeanette Tyson;
Days of this, as you might imagine, is very exhausting. So, I decided I’m done with this. I am going to focus on God. Just God. I started thanking Him for His grace and mercy, and for creating me. I thanked God for being all-knowing and planning my days before the foundation of the world (Psalm 139:16). I worshiped Him for who He is, despite my own shortcomings and weaknesses. As soon I redirected my focus toward Him, that self-condemning spirit left me! It was like the scales fell from my eyes. There is value in self-examination and being aware, but to be overly scrutinizing so is counterproductive.
You’re Closer to God Than You Know
presence of God
I want to encourage you, Team Jesus. if you’re feeling disconnected from God, remove yourself from the equation. We love God because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). We follow Him because He is the way the truth and the life (John 14:6). The Bible says that God inhabits the praises of His people (Psalm 22:3). So praise Him when you’re feeling far and know that He is near. And remember Proverbs 15:3 – the eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching good and evil.
It was after reading these wise words and the scriptures listed above, that I realised I’d been so focused in on my own problems for such a long time that I’d become too inward-looking. It had been all about me and my struggles for many months, instead of all about God!
I am thankful for the lessons God has taught me over the years and I hope that you readers will be somehow blessed by this little testimony from a struggling sinner saved and upheld by grace.
I’ll leave with you these two verses that often come to mind that bring me peace in challenging times:-
“The lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in him and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7
He says; “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
